Watched The Wolf of Wall Street the other night at a friend’s house. Oh Martin Scorsese, wtf? This is going to be a short review because barring a sadly few jokes here and there, this is a stupid, way overlong (3 hrs!?!) movie that tries to be the next Goodfellas, but fails in almost every way.

You have the first person narration of most of it. You have a hugely unsympathetic central character. You have actors I otherwise like (jonah hill, leo dicaprio, matthew mcconaughey and even rob reiner) playing people I don’t, in a movie lined with and praising ‘douchebags uber alles’. And you have what has to be the most contrived BS story (the book it is supposedly based on – that guy has to be lying through his teeth or has the smallest penis on earth to brag about this stupid s*** like he does) i’ve ever heard.

At least with Goodfellas, while the main characters were largely unlikable (especially Joe Pesci), you were hooked because it was outright crime (and made BEFORE this stupid movie) – watching this one was like just ‘not-nearly-as-Goodfellas’ over and over again.

And do NOT believe the rating on IMDB – you will want your 3 hours of life back when this is over, I guarantee you. Again, unlike Goodfellas.

What could be the only redeeming grace would be if the upcoming Gojira movie had a scene where G stamps this d-bag flat as a stamp in the first 5 minutes. Bryan Cranston, can you help a brother out?

Update: I think this parody movie poster sums it up quite nicely, actually…

candybowl